Please, please DON'T take my picture!!!

Hi everyone:

I realize the photo here makes Patty appear grief-stricken, or in profound pain from both ears; however, all it really captures is my wife's boundless enthusiasm for the idea of having her photo snapped. The hands are helping to hold the bed-head from erupting from the sides of Patty's head.

Patty has been suffering a headache of varying intensity all day today. We suspect that Imdur is at least partially responsible, so Patty is going to temporarily discontinue her use of the drug to see if the headaches dissipate. Of course, this may ultimately mean Patty won't sleep as well at night, but I guess we need to look for the lesser of two (or more) evils.

We are STILL waiting for the go-ahead for chemo from doctors and the insurance company. I'm starting to fear they will never approve the treatments. Of course, while we wait, Patty seems to be having more and more frequent heart rhythm irregularities--some are just odd beats here and there, while others create symptoms similar to those she felt before she received an ICD shock. The latter are the most distressing.

Increasingly, I've been finding my emotions see-sawing between a strange, detached numbness and an intense, almost overwhelming anxiety; both forms really bother me. When Patty seems healthy, I can almost convince myself that all the doctors are wrong and that she will live a full, unrestricted life without major medical interventions. Seconds later, I find myself terrified at the prospect of facing whatever the future may hold, because none of it will be what we would have chosen. Fortunately, I don't spend too much time on either side. For the most part, I just admire Patty's ability to roll with whatever comes her way.

I spent a good portion of the day preparing a marketing postcard for our business, while Patty relaxed and snoozed. Tonight, Patty is watching American Idol with the kids; when I finish here, I suppose I'll grab my book and join them.

Love,
Brian