Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Angry

Hi everyone:

For some reason, I'm struggling with today's entry. I keep trying to come up with something sunny, and yet I just can't stop feeling some bitterness on Patty's behalf about this whole situation. It's self-indulgent, to be sure, but I think my heart is in the right place.

Immediately after awakening this morning, Patty was dry-heaving repeatedly, and is so nauseous she can barely move. She coughs often, which leads to more rounds of heaving. She has a more or less constant headache. She looks horribly pale and gaunt. She shakes almost constantly. Her skin is constantly itchy and sore. She never feels really well -- just less crummy. She is fatigued by the most simple activities. She walks up the stairs and pants for minutes thereafter. And through all of this, she rarely complains, even though I know at times she feels it's all unfair. Also, through all this, she still finds ways to demonstrate how wonderful she is as a friend and mother.

I admire her for how tough she is; I know that I could never be this strong. I try not to complain, because she doesn't complain. But today I feel like complaining. Most days, we'll take all of this in stride -- but today, all of this is really making me angry.

Please keep Patty in your thoughts and prayers. Please keep hoping for a new heart. Please keep thinking about the kids. And please indulge me in this brief moment of frustration. We'll try to be more cheery by the next post.

Love,
Brian

1 comment:

Sue Osetek said...

Brian,
You've been a trouper through all of Patty's illness. Don't be hard on yourself just because you are human and have bad days!!!! It is so difficult to see someone you love suffer as Patty is.
Remember, I love Patty and I love you. And you're in my thoughts and prayers daily.
God bless you, Sue